Steady My Heart.

*Apologies...post contains some swearing in quotes* An atypical eating disorder. Otherwise known as EDNOS. It can be just as life threatening as anorexia without any of the "glory" bestowed upon those with the "self control" to starve themselves. Looking over an old personal journal, I have picked out the following. The posts are over a year old but are far more articulate than I can be at the moment... I hate this no-mans-land. This week I've been a "bulimic", last week I tended more to "anorexia" but I'm obviously not very good at either and I totally fail at "healthy". Many patients who do not meet full criteria for these diseases are nevertheless quite ill, and the diagnosis they now receive, “Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified,” may delay their ability to get treatment. “It is a bit misleading to patients — it can make them feel like they don’t have a real eating disorder,” 60 percent of EDNOS patients

You know those songs that always make you cry? That always have meaning? Well this is one of mine. A few years back mine and my mum's relationship was in pieces. She went away for the weekend and left a note telling me to listen to this song, that it was a song she listened to around the time I was born and that it meant a lot to her. I listened to it on repeat all weekend...the lyrics are beautiful: I want to call the stars Down from the sky I want to live a day That never dies I want to change the world Only for you All the impossible I want to do I want to hold you close Under the rain I want to kiss your smile And feel the pain I know what's beautiful Looking at you In a world of lies You are the truth And baby Every time you touch me I become a hero I'll make you safe No matter where you are And give you Everything you ask for Nothing is above me I'm shining like a candle in the dark When you tell me that you love me I want to m

BBC Article... I'm not sure I want to live past 100. In all honesty, I've never really imagined myself getting old. I'm very much living in the present and the past but rarely the future. In many ways the future scares me, life is tough (not always, but recently it has been) and I guess it's hard to potentially consider another 80 years of crap. I realise that's quite a pessimistic view and maybe now I'm feeling more hopeful this may change. I guess it's not necessarily a bad thing to live in the present. I'm enjoying my short term plans and can't wait to get back to university. One day I will be a teacher and from there who knows... One thing I do know is that I'd rather die when I still know who I am and those I love. It saddens me when I read all of the stories and statistics about Alzheimers, makes me wonder what we're sacrificing through modern medicine and longer life expectancy. Are we *meant* to live that long? I appreciate t