10 things about recovery...

Watching "Don't Call Me Crazy" this week was incredibly close to home. I was never an inpatient, but I've had friends who have been as well as my fair share of involvement with the mental health system. For many years now I've had friends with eating disorders and likewise for many years, I was very entrenched in my own eating disorder and depression. Recently, I've begun to realise just how 'recovered' I am. I don't think an eating disorder ever truly goes away and I am certain the pain it once caused is never forgotten. I am however, now able to live a virtually 'normal' life and recovery means I can enjoy so many things that I'd once lost. It's always good to reflect on how far you've come...and maybe I can give my friend's hope too.

10 things recovery gave me:

  1. Covent garden soup with bread and butter - none of this watery cuppa soup and rice cakes
  2. A genuine smile in front of the camera 
     
  3. Napping because I want to - not to avoid hunger pangs
  4. Hot chocolate made with milk...and maybe some whipped cream 
  5. 3 meals a day being a normality, not a cause for panic
  6. Pastries on a Sunday morning at church
  7. Curling up with Hazel eating pizza, icecream, chocolate, popcorn, garlic bread...not all on the same occasion!
  8. Huge roast dinners with my housemates...and still being able to take photos after finishing it all... 

  9. Blogging because I enjoy it and find it cathartic...not to keep a miserable journal of how I ate too much, or that I'm fat or horrible. As an outlet, rather than a way to abuse myself.
  10. The ability to eat tasty food and be able to stop once I'm full. To know how to enjoy a variety of food in moderation. 
I could go on...there are so many things I can enjoy these days. It's not perfect, it still takes a lot of effort and yes, I may have gained a bit too much weight but I'm a work in progress. I'm striving to be healthy and still able to enjoy the tastier side of life. There are some things that I still cling to - like matching cutlery and weighing myself an extortionate amount - but you know what, if I forget to weigh myself, or there's no matching clean cutlery - I manage, I can cope...and it's those challenges that keep me moving forward.

Looking back through my old blog and old journals - I see such a hopeless, miserable teenager and I feel so sad for the girl I once was. Over and over again I wrote about how tired I was of the daily battle, that I wish it would all just go away...but I didn't have the motivation or the fight to actually make it stop. I'm so lucky to have finally broken free and found hope again and I've already had so many great opportunities to share my experiences with other young women. It's such a blessing to be able to use my testimony to remind others that hope NEVER fails. Sometimes we lose sight of it, but it is always always there.

I will never forget the years that food ruled my life, they made me who I am today. However, I am more than ready to move on from them and continue growing into the woman God designed me to be.

 It's time for healing, time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time to make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
And all I can do is surrender

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
But I'm giving in to something Heavenly

Time for a milestone, time to begin again
Re-evaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills?
So show me what it is You want from me
I give everything, I surrender

To whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
And though it's hard to surrender to what I can't see
I'm giving in to something Heavenly, something Heavenly

Time to face up, clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I wanted to say for so many years
Time to release all my held back tears

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life, something Heavenly

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This is something bigger than me
Larger than life, something Heavenly, something Heavenly

It's time to face up, clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out

Comments

  1. Anonymous29 June 2013 at 23:52

    How inspiring Laura! Congratulations, I'm so pleased to hear how much happier life is for you now... Even with POTs to contend with! Well done you. Chloé XX

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Laura Elizabeth30 June 2013 at 21:36

      Thanks Chloé! From one challenge to another eh?! Just as well I've got some rather lovely POTSies to keep me sane ;) xx

      Delete

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