Steady My Heart.

I am tired. I love my new job but I am physically and emotionally drained and we're only a few weeks in. I think there are a few reasons behind my emotional tiredness: 1. Care work is inevitably emotional, I spend my shifts with poorly people - some who won't get fully better, some who will die, some who want to die. It's hard going, but I wouldn't want to be emotionless. How can I care for these people if I don't care about them? And it's not just the patients - there's the relatives too. I'm having to remind myself that it's important to leave work at work as much as possible. 2. There are a few people in my life right now who are struggling - be that a break up, an illness, an eating disorder. I love my friends and I care about them, it's privilege to support people but again - it's emotionally draining. Sometimes I want to just bang my head against the wall with frustration that I can't help enough. I constantly have to remind my

Yup. I really said that. And unfortunately, there's digital evidence of it so I can't just pretend it never happened. And actually...it was a genuine thought at the time. I know that God has a plan for me. I know that His plans are for my good, that I have a future and it is wonderful. I know that I am loved and created by the most incredible Father. But do I always believe it? No. So, sitting in occupational health last week, having been double booked I was sure that God hated me, and that I was never ever going to start my new job. The wait to start has felt so long, the health hurdles, the financial hurdles. Everything has just felt so long winded and I was tired and worn. I had lost hope and trust. Yet, even in my doubt, Jesus has got me. Occupational health squeezed me in, the gave me the clearance I knew I already had, the promised to send the necessary emails. HR squeezed me onto this week's induction and I recieved my official startdate. Today. I star