Steady My Heart.

Someone asked me what was up today, that I seemed...not quite myself. My answer? This week I feel fat. Except, actually fat isn't a feeling. Fat is a word that I've wrongly replaced for so many other things. I feel tired. Between placement, work and trying to have a life I am exhausted. I've had a couple of days of sick this week and literally all I've managed is sleep, sleep and more sleep. I feel poorly. I've had a chest infection which has messed up my asthma control. I've had a couple of runs of SVT due to my potassium being low and my joint pain is horrendous (probably because less compliant with physio than usual...see above point about being tired) I feel overwhelmed. It's nearly the end of 2nd year. I still don't believe I can do this. I still cannot believe I am thriving academically and in practice - despite all the feedback I recieve. This time next year I could be qualified. This is amazing and scary and so many other th

"There comes a point where it all becomes too much. When we get too tired to fight anymore. So we give up. That's when the real work begins. To find hope where there seems to be absolutely none at all" - Grey's Anatomy I'm not sure when it happened, but at some point I became pretty despondent about life in Worcester. I think I got tired of it hurting and I just switched off. I guess the simplest way of summing it up is that I have a lot of hope for my future, but feel pretty hopeless about my present. I've written this post quite a few times and during that time my heart has changed from believing my lack of faith causes me to be hopeless, to a point where I realise that believing in hope - even when you feel hopeless - is the very definition of faith. Faith: complete trust or confidence in something based on spiritual conviction One of the times when I feel most connected with God is during sung worship; be that alone at home whilst I do the hou

So it's be a long time since I last managed to publish anything...many a post lies in my drafts, but for fear of judgement and rejection they remain just that...and it's got me thinking. The church does long term illness so badly. I am sure there are pockets of people out there who've worked it out and do it well...but the majority of my friends with long term conditions (physical or mental) have been hurt and damaged by the church and that makes me so incredibly sad. I believe it comes from ignorance, and I hope it's not intentional so it's time for me to speak up... How do you love and care for someone who won't get better? 1.  Keep them in community.  When living with long term illness - small group may be the only social contact a person has in a week. Living with long term illness is isolating and lonely. Please don't isolate us further. 2.  Keep in contact.  A simple text can make a very big difference. We believe we are a burden and may fi